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"Can you describe the suspect who planted the Boston bomb?" asked the Policeman

"Well it was all very quick officer but I recall he had pale skin & ginger hair"

"That's not really a lot to go on Sir, but don't worry, we'll catch the muslim bastard".

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"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.
"No thanks," she replied.
"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."
Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked down the toilet, then ran out and said, "There's nothing down there, you must've flushed it."
I said, "It's on the scales."

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The banhammer thirsts for tards | There is no 'overkill'. There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload'.

A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things.

The first little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good, that's a big word."

The second boy says, "Predator."

"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."

Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."

After nearly falling off her chair, she says,

"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything."

"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow !!!!!!!!!!!

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"If your going to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."- Winston Churchill
three and a half foot long??? dude, it could have swallowed you whole! 3jorn=GCHQ=

my fit lesbian neighbours asked me what i wanted for my birthday.
they gave me a rolex, i think they misunderstood when i said "i wanna watch"

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you know ricks got a new 3d tv...well he got a porn film the other day, put it in the DVD player, pressed play but there was just a dark blurry picture of some fat bloke holding his cock. Then he realised he hadn't switched the TV on yet.....!

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Went to a zoo, they only had one animal there, a dog............. It was a shitzu....



I’z leakin… bring amberlamps

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"If your going to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."- Winston Churchill
three and a half foot long??? dude, it could have swallowed you whole! 3jorn=GCHQ=

That was a good one.

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FYI: Donald Duck = Anders And (in Danish)

For those who know nothing about how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping

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A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and
gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my
testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate
from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment
and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles
gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them,
Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says
very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen
very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"

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buuuhh bad joke - was expecting a more slimy ending on a joke from you Rick.

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FYI: Donald Duck = Anders And (in Danish)

Three men with speech impediments are in therapy. The therapist is blonde, petite and as fit as feck.

She says, "if you can tell me where you live without stuttering, I will suck your cock and you can come in my mouth."

The first man stands up and stammers, "Mmmmanchester."

The next man says, "bbbbrimingham."

Next up is Paddy, an Irishman. He stands up, composes himself and says, "London."

She gets his cock out and gives him the best blow job he's ever had.

As he sighs, he says, "ddderry."

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