what do you use to cut the sea in half?

a seesaw

lol at above

_________________
My weekly run in Kinder Scout (17 miles, 2000ft above sea level)http://tinyurl.com/4hcpn

^^

_________________


"I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself...."

Short jokes is the midget joke section?

lol!

(It took everyone far too long to come up with that though! )

_________________
Pipe down!

<img src=http://sigs.gamecommunity.co.uk/files/new/1177605918.jpg>

they are tacky as feck lol not as bad as

there where three men who just made a pub
they didnt know what to call it so the first man said " lets call it the queens nose" other men said "nooo"
second man said "i know lets call it the queen eye" the other men said "nooo"
the the third man said" i know lets call it the queens legs" the other men said "yer thats cool"
later that day a police men walks by and spots the men outside the pub,
the policemen says to the men"hello hello hello, what hav we got here, what are you doing??"
the men say "were waiting for the queens legs to open so we can get a drink"


hahahahaha get it lol

Diana was a respectable lady, but she didn't want her grandma to know.One day, the police raided a party at a hotel and arrested awhole group of prostitutes, Diana among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Diana's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter standing in line. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Diana told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" Grandma replied..."I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

hope you liked it guys i have more of em lol

_________________

"A Virgin's Worst Nightmare!!"

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist."

_________________

A guy decides to have a party where his guests are asked to come as different emotions e.g. fear etc. On the night of the party, the first guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a guy covered in green paint with the letters N and V painted on his chest.

He says to this guy, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you Come as?"
The guy says, "I'm green with NV".
The host replies, "Brilliant come on in and have a drink."

A few minutes later the next guest arrives and the host opens the door to see a woman covered in a pink body stocking with a feather boa wrapped around her most intimate parts.
He says to this woman, "Wow, great outfit, what emotion have you come as?"
She replies, "I'm tickled pink."
The host says, "I love it, come on in and join the party."

A couple of minutes later the doorbell goes for the third time and the host
opens the door to see two Irish blokes, Paddy and Mick, standing stark naked, one with his willy in bowl of custard and the other with his willy stuck in a pear.
The host is really shocked and says, "What the hell are you both doing?
You could get arrested standing like that out there in the street. Anyhow what
emotion is this supposed to be?" .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ..

Paddy replies, "Welllll, Oim fokn discustard, and Mick here has just come
in dispair"

myx rofl

some great new additions

_________________
The banhammer thirsts for tards | There is no 'overkill'. There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload'.

Timmy in the back of the car his parents in teh front, driving along and a dildo hits the window...

Parents driving in the front say " I hope timmy didnt see that "

Timmy then asks his mum " Mum what was that hitting the window? "

Mother goes " It was a fly timmy "

Timmy replies " Wow that fly had a big Co*k "

_________________

There were these three women, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, that had just escaped from prison. There was a farm close to the prison and the three women headed for it to hide. So as the police were chasing them, they found a barn with three big flour sacks. Big enough for them to hide in, so they each got in a sack. The police came around to search the barn, they were about to leave when one officer suggested that they check those three flour bags. A policemen went up to the first bag and kicked it, the brunette replied, "Bark, bark!". The policemen concluded that there were only dogs in this bag. He went to the second bag and kicked it and the redhead said, "Meow, meow!". The policemen concluded that there were only cats in this bag. He went to the third bag and kicked it and the blonde said, "Potatoes, potatoes!"

and another sorry these are not short ..


A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets out. The judge says, "The gold medal goes to the brunette, the silver medal goes to the redhead, and the bronze goes to the blonde". The blonde says, "I don't want to be a sore loser, but I think the other girls were using their arms."

pmsl

_________________
.

Try this one its a bit better..

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up ... you're next!"

A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She
has 14 kids but doesn't really care