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GeneralPublic=GCHQ=
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke  Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2011 9:25 pm |
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| Saints ftw!! |
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Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 6:22 pm
Posts: 7877
Location: /dev/null
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happyslappy wrote: I took the shell off my racing snail to see if it would make him go any faster.
If anything it makes him more sluggish arf 
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Insert unfunny comment here ->
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:13 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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This weekend i raped a Chink, a Kraut, a Jock and a Paki...
The Taxman's after me now for doing foreigners.
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 11:33 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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I got fed up with my four year-old son constantly ignoring me when I tell him off so as a punishment I've started letting an air horn off in his ear.
Doesn't seem to have made any difference though. The little oldaxewound still acts as if he can't fecking hear me.
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Lur =GCHQ=
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2011 2:26 am |
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| Forever Alone |
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Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:21 pm
Posts: 1804
Location: Raiding the cupboard
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My mate just said to me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"
I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime and beat him to death; the round of applause he'd get would be astounding."
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:43 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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The police brought my son home the other night.
They said, "We caught him throwing petrol bombs at the local mosque. We have let him off with a warning but I'm sure you have some stern words for him too!"
"I certainly do officer" I said as I turned towards my son. "Don't let me ever catch you throwing Petrol bombs! again! Do you think we're made of fecking money? Use bricks like I do you stupid tosser."
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:51 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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I went to a Hindu woman's house this afternoon and jizzed in her face.
She told me to cum at three o' clock on the dot.
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[QBS]Dr.Strangelove
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:39 pm |
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| Bow down to the master |
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Joined: Thu Dec 16, 2004 11:22 pm
Posts: 2414
Location: satnav offline
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m
mmmmYou sir, are a swaggering addlepated jackanapes!
m
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:45 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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I went into a discount toy shop today and bought 2 Jenga towers and 2 plastic aeroplanes. I went up to the till to pay.
That's nine eleven, she asked.
Soon will be, I replied.
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:46 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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A couple of guys in a van tooted there horn at my wife, then she turned to me and said...
" HeHe, I've still got it.. "
I said " No darling it's cause it's a green light you dosey bitch"
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Lur =GCHQ=
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:01 pm |
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| Forever Alone |
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Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 6:21 pm
Posts: 1804
Location: Raiding the cupboard
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I was stuck driving behind some guy whose number plate read G4ND 4LF.
Needless to say, he didn't let me pass.
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 8:48 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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Roses are red muslims are brown, when they go swimming, i want them to drown,
The grass is green, violets are blue, dog shit stinks and pakis do too,
Im not racist, just a bit of a yob, but at least im not Polish and after your job.
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Lemon =GCHQ=
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Wed Oct 05, 2011 11:48 am |
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| an unsung hero! |
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Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 1:13 am
Posts: 5852
Location: on the run from the boyz i love this city
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Joe says to Paddy:"Close your curtains the next time you're having
sex with your wife The whole street was watching and
laughing at you yesterday"
Paddy says:"Well the joke's on them ‘cos I wasn't even at home
yesterday."
_________________  "If your going to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."- Winston Churchill three and a half foot long??? dude, it could have swallowed you whole! 3jorn=GCHQ=
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Lemon =GCHQ=
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:18 pm |
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| an unsung hero! |
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Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2004 1:13 am
Posts: 5852
Location: on the run from the boyz i love this city
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One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...
Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.
Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!
Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.
Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!
Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.
_________________ "If your going to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite."- Winston Churchill three and a half foot long??? dude, it could have swallowed you whole! 3jorn=GCHQ=
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And
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:54 pm |
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| Bow down to the master |
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Joined: Thu Mar 04, 2004 11:22 pm
Posts: 2036
Location: U will know.. when I kill u
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lol Lemon style and may ad-- didn't try to click your yellow text thinking it was hyperlink this time.. shoulder pad for me _________________  .................................. FYI: Donald Duck = Anders And (in Danish) 
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happyslappy
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Post subject: Re: Last night - another lemon style joke Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 3:31 pm |
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| that was a stupid comment btw |
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Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:40 pm
Posts: 109345
Location: manchester
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My regular paki taxi driver picked me up whilst singing along to his crappy Punjabi music at the top of his voice.
He smiled when I pulled out my set of new ear plugs, "Looks like you've come prepared this time," he said laughing.
I smiled back at him, "Yes," I replied, as I put them up my nose.
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